Decoding Your Relationship Patterns

Trace the pattern you keep repeating in your closest relationships.

The same dynamic tends to reappear with different people, which is the clue that it is yours to look at. This examines what you reliably do when a relationship gets close, gets tense, or gets uncertain, and where you learned to do it.

1. What happens in you when someone gets too close?

Not what you do about it. What happens first, in the body and the thoughts, before any behavior.

2. What do you do when you are not sure where you stand?

Withdraw, over-give, test them, go quiet and wait, get critical first. Be specific about the move.

3. Where did that move work?

It was adaptive somewhere. In whose house, with whom, at what age?

4. Who paid for it most recently?

Name the person and the instance. This is the cost side, and it is the part that usually goes unwritten.

5. What would you do differently with them now?

One specific thing, in a situation likely to come round again. Repair if it is available to you, and different conduct if it is not.

Reflection App

Your guided journal for wellness and growth.

Reflection.app is a delightfully-minimal private journaling app with powerful guides to help you flourish. With inspiring prompts, advanced privacy settings, and custom templates, the platform is a favorite among first-time and long-time journalers alike. Founders (and brothers) Dave and Mike Radparvar, also behind Holstee and the famed Holstee Manifesto, have brought their passion for meaningful products and beautiful design to the digital space with Reflection.app